A Fantastic — and Hilarious– Approach to Ketubah Text!

ketubahI am fortunate in my line of work to work with many wonderful couples to help them create their dream ketubah. Occasionally, I get a particularly ambitious couple that decides to write their own ketubah text. Traditionally a ketubah text is a very formal prenuptial agreement, but nowadays, with even non Jewish couples often times choosing to include a ketubah as part of their marriage ceremony, many approach their ketubah text much like their wedding vows, as promises to each other… and sometimes the ketubah text is the wedding vows, coupled with a meaningful visual work of art.
All that said, a few weeks ago I received a ketubah text which was not only touching and thoughtful, but also absolutely hilarious. This couple clearly takes their love with a big ol’ sense of humor. I thought this was such a creative and unique approach that, with their permission, I am sharing it here. Enjoy!

On the ___ day of the month of ____, in the year 2012, here in _____, Vermont, in the presence of family and friends, Robin Joy Adler and Benjamin Bartlett Weber affirmed their union of marriage and made these promises to each other: As we share daily life, we promise to love, honor, respect and cherish each other; to celebrate life’s joys together and comfort each other through life’s sorrows. We promise to help each other fulfill our dreams and discover and follow our own true path; to appreciate our differences as a source of richness; and above all to do everything within our power to permit each other to grow and thrive. We promise to treasure, enjoy and continue the traditions we have; to create new traditions and a home filled with love and peace, balance and freedom, generosity and compassion, learning and exploration. May our hearts be united in love and our lives be intertwined forever in tenderness and devotion.

In executing our vows we hold these truths to be self-evident:

We hold this relationship above all others and will work together to protect, nurture, deepen and strengthen it always;

This is a relationship of equals;

Each will always be the conscience of the other;

Memory will not be evidence of right;

Inquiry will trump anger or accusation;

Solving problems will take precedence over problems themselves;

We will show each other caring and appreciation daily and will ask the following:  What have I given?  What have I received?  How did I make the other’s day harder?

We will not hide things that are bothering us;

We are both human and will recognize each other’s failings and show compassion;

Sex will always hold a place of honor and importance in our relationship;

Ben (aka “The Duke of Roxbury”) gets to look at Robin (aka “The Queen of Pluto”), realize how beautiful she is, smile, and she may not smirk;

Both parties agree to keep their marksmanship up to par.  Should either party fail in this regard the other is entitled to twenty goats;

No one shall be deemed to make a better brisket than the Queen of Pluto and no man shall ever, under any circumstances, be deemed more handsome than the Duke of Roxbury;

The Duke of Roxbury shall retain the right to disappear on the opening day of duck, turkey, partridge and deer season.  The Queen of Pluto retains the right to demand that all dead animals be cleaned and butchered before entering the house;

The Duke of Roxbury shall, to the best of his ability, not subject the Queen of Pluto to his poetry.  In the unlikely event that he should do so she shall concede that such verse rivals the genius of Shakespeare, Byron, Frost and Ginsburg;

The Queen of Pluto always gets a maid.  In return the Duke of Roxbury will always have a microwave (lest he find himself stirring his oatmeal over an electric stove like some early-American pioneer);

We will take Sam to the Air and Space Museum, Constitution Hall, and will prepare him both emotionally and materially for his junior prom;

We will go to all the places we want to go.

Thank you so much guys, for sharing your beautiful and very creative text with us at www.AAketubah.com! We wish you a Mazel Tov on your upcoming special day and a long, fulfilling life together. May you never stop making each other smile!

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